


too good to be true

by thebeanunderthecorner



Series: ...and you get a songfic! [5]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: ASL, Adopted Sibling Relationship, All TAZ characters are in Amnesty's setting pretty much, Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angry Sex, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Broken Bones, Burns, Canon Trans Character, Chest Binding, Choking, College, Deaf Character, Dubcon Kissing, Dubious Consent, Emetophobia, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, Gaslighting, Graduation, High School, Impregnation, Jealousy, M/M, Manipulation, Miscarriage, Missed periods, Multi, Nipple Play, Non-Consensual Groping, Oral Sex, PIV Sex, POV Second Person, Physical Abuse, Run Rabbit Run - The Hoosiers, Sex, Songfic, Toxic Relationship, Trans Female Character, Trans Male Character, Trans Taako (The Adventure Zone), Under-negotiated Kink, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, falling, they're adopted
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-26
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-12 06:55:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29006409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thebeanunderthecorner/pseuds/thebeanunderthecorner
Summary: This guy you know, Sazed, asks you out. You don't see the harm in accepting.(Based on "Run Rabbit Run" by The Hoosiers)
Relationships: Barry Bluejeans/Lup, Davenport/Merle Highchurch, Julia Burnsides/Magnus Burnsides, Sazed/Taako (The Adventure Zone)
Series: ...and you get a songfic! [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2053647
Comments: 3
Kudos: 11





	1. senior year, part one

You meet Sazed in high school. 

He is one of the kids who follows you around, your "fan club," as your siblings call them. They follow you around school trying to impress you, trying to get you to notice them, and for the most part, you ignore them. But every so often you choose one to focus on and lavish them with attention, promising affection in exchange for homework and papers done. 

"I'll go out with you if you write my British Lit essay for me," you say, batting your eyes at them, not really meaning it, but they do your work anyway. 

You'd like to say that Sazed is different, but he is still one of your followers. He'd jump at the chance to do anything for you. 

He thinks you hung the moon, and as far as he is concerned, you did. He is, by far, your most willing lackey, and you find yourself giving him extra attention at times. Sure, his "being kind of handsome" thing helps, but he's also just the most willing and ready to do your bidding for even the slightest hint of praise or affection. 

So, when he asks you out halfway through senior year, you figure he's as good a choice as any, so you agree. The school administration won't let you go to the Sadie Hawkins dance as a couple, so you both decide to go out for dinner and a movie instead. 

The night of Sadie's, he shows up at your house dressed formally, with flowers in hand, something you aren't prepared for, so you scramble to put on something cute and not too ordinary, which is what you originally had on, assuming it would be a simple, ordinary date. Lup, your twin sister, rushes to help you while Sazed is downstairs charming one of your dads. 

_‘Probably Merle. He'd get a kick out of those flowers,’_ you think. 

You end up in a flowy blouse and a pencil skirt that's just on edge of flirty and sexy. A bit overkill for a dinner-and-a-movie date, but it's the most formal you can do so quickly. 

You walk down the stairs, heels in hand, to find your date being regaled with one of Merle's stories, probably a story about when you were younger. 

"Taako, looks like your date here is a very charming young man," your dad says, standing so he can walk you two to the door. "Now, go have fun you two. Don't do anything I wouldn't do!" He shoos you and Sazed out the front door, standing in the doorway watching as you get into Sazed's car. 

"God, you look amazing," Sazed remarks as you drive away from your home. "Cost us a bit of time, but it's worth it," he says, placing his hand on yours on the center console. 

Butterflies rise in your stomach. 

"Thanks," you say nervously, blushing. God, you are so nervous about this date. He's so good looking and nice and you totally don't deserve him. No matter how much you act cool and aloof at school, you are much less confident outside those walls. 

You pull up to the Olive Garden, the fanciest someone with a high schooler's minimum wage salary can afford, and Sazed walks around the car to open your door and help you out of your seat. You wobble like a newborn deer standing up for the first time, a bit out of practice with this pair of heels, but his hand on your waist steadies you, and you feel yourself relaxing, squashing those stomach butterflies.

You order something small, nerves killing your appetite tonight, and Sazed asks what’s wrong.

“Nothing,” you say. “I’m just nervous, I guess.”

“Nervous? What for, babe?”

You look down at your half-eaten plate of pasta.

“It’s just… I guess you just threw me off dressing like that,” you gesture to his clothes, “and I thought this was gonna be a casual dinner-and-a-movie date but it’s not, apparently, and… I dunno, Saz. Maybe it’s bec ause this is  my first real date ,” you admit, mumbling the last part.

Sazed smiles.

“Aw, Taako. This is your first date? How cute!”

“Outside of, like, hanging out at someone’s house, yeah.” You fidget a little in your seat.

He reaches across the table to hold your hand.

“You know, if this fanciness is making you uncomfortable, we could always ditch the movie theatre and go watch something at my place,” he offers, looking concerned.

“No, no. You had this all planned. Let’s finish dinner and go to the movies as intended. I’m not gonna make you suffer because of me,” you reply, feeling his hand tighten around yours for just a brief moment.

“Okay. Thanks, kitten,” he says, watching your face for any sign of a reaction to the pet name. It does something to you, but you don’t show it. It is very personal, after all. “I’ll ask for the check right now, then.” 

He flags down the waiter and gets the check, paying swiftly, almost flashily. Like he wants to impress you.

“Let’s go, Taako. We do have a movie to see, after all,” he says, taking your hand as you walk out of the restaurant.

You get to the movie theatre and find that he’s already reserved seats ahead of time in the back of the theatre for what seems to be an okay movie. You’re not sure just what the movie is, but that’s through no fault of your own. You can’t concentrate on the screen much because his hands are in your hair and all over your body and his lips are on yours and it feels fantastic. It feels like you are wanted, like you’re worth something to him, so you continue kissing him and you end up making out in the back of the movie theatre like, well, like the teenagers that you are.

You feel his hand on your belly, inching closer and closer to the waistband of your skirt and you start to worry. You stop his hand and pull back. “Not tonight,” you whisper. “I, uh, I wanna wait til after we graduate. Y’know, til we’re officially adults. It’ll be like a celebration.” You can barely make out his face, but it looks like someone just slapped him.

“But we’re both eighteen already. Already adults, technically,” he whispers back before pulling you into a kiss. Your brain scrambles for a new excuse.

_ ‘I really shouldn’t do this, but…’ _

“I’m, I’m… I’m on my period,” you lie. You think you heard him say something just now, but your heart is pounding so loud with the adrenaline of outing yourself like that to your... new… boyfriend. “Sorry, what?”

“I said it’s fine. And if you want to wait, we’ll do that. Don’t want to make my boyfriend uncomfortable on the first date,” Sazed assures.

You breathe a sigh of relief.

He brings you back to his lips like you’re a bottle of water and he’s a dehydrated man in the desert.

And then the credits are rolling.

He drops you back off at home, very much suggesting that you two do this again. You agree with him and he pulls you in for a hug. You take in his cologne, which you hadn’t noticed at the theatre, and it instantly becomes one of your favorite scents.

You unlock the front door and enter a darkened house. You flip the lightswitch and the room lights up, showing a very tired Lucretia waiting for you on the couch, making you jump.

“Fuck, Creesh! You scared me to death!” you exclaim. “Where’s Lup?”

“Hello to you too, bro. Lup went to the dance with Barry, so she’s probably going to be back late. Well, later than now, which is still kinda late, Taako.” You love your sister, but she can be a bit overbearing sometimes. “The Dads went to bed early, so I’m up waiting for you two to get home. Making sure my baby siblings get home safe and all.”

You stick your tongue out at her and head upstairs to your room. You check your phone.

“Fuck, it really is late!” 

You get your pajamas on, not bothering to remove your makeup, and settle into bed, falling asleep easily. You dream about your brand new perfect fairy tale prince of a boyfriend.

And then you wake up.


	2. senior year, part two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Sex, manipulative words

You open your eyes and you feel like you're looking in a mirror. But you don't have a helix piercing. Nor do you have dyed hair. Your face scrunches up in confusion. Your reflection smiles. 

"Took you long enough! I've been waiting for you to wake up for forever!" Lup practically shouts. 

"God, Lup! What time is it?" you ask, rubbing sleep from your eyes. 

"Time for you to get up, Ko. I got stuff I need to tell you!" she says excitedly. 

You sit up begrudgingly. "Okay. Get on with it."

She sits cross-legged on your bed while you scrunch your knees up to make her fit. You two have done this, catch each other up on events while sitting on one or the other's bed, for as long as you can remember. It's a surprising comfort this morning. 

"So, as you may already know, I went to the Sadie Hawkins dance with Barry. As friends, right? And get this!" She pauses for effect. "WE HELD HANDS!" The look of absolute delight on your sister's face is priceless. 

You chuckle. 

"Enough with the squealing, Lulu!" you say, poking her in the side. "That's great! And you'll actually be dating him by the time you're… Oh…" You feign thinking. "Hm… Carry the one… Add seven… Multiply by three… Yup! You two will finally reach your first official date by the time you're forty," you deadpan. She tosses a blanket at you. "Hey! It's not my fault you two can't see it!"

"Enough about me, what about you, bro bro?" she asks. "How was your date last night? I thought he asked you to Sadie's, but you weren't there." 

"Yeah, apparently gay couples aren't allowed at dances, according to the vice principal. So we went to Olive Garden and then made out in the back of the movie theater," you explain. 

"Wow, so romantic," Lup says sarcastically. 

"Well, it was, for my first date." Her eyes go wide. "And he was such a gentleman about me being nervous about it."

"Shit. That was your first date? Raise your standards a bit, Koko."

"What? It was good!" you protest. 

"Yeah, it might have been, to you, but I know guys like that, and they're not exactly what you want in a partner," she warns.

You have to defend yourself. 

"How do you know what I want? You're not me!" you yell. "You're over here mooning over a guy who looks at you like you made Earth and everything good on it! And you can't even make a fucking move!" 

Lup looks hurt. She gets off your bed. 

"Catch up sesh over, Taako." She says curtly, walking to the door. She sounds like she's in pain. "I just wanted to let you know what you might be getting into." She stops in the doorway right before closing the door. "But I guess you know everything, don't you?" 

You stare at the door in disbelief.

_ 'I just did that,'  _ you say to yourself. You feel bad for hurting your sister, your true flesh and blood sister, so you decide to text Sazed for a bit of comfort. 

**hey babe**

It takes a while to get a response back, but eventually Sazed texts you back. 

**_S: Hey what's up?_ **

You aren't sure what to say. You run a couple options through your head.  _ 'Nothing. Just wanted to say hi'  _ and  _ 'Just wanted to see how you're doing'  _ seem okay but a bit too impersonal while  _ 'I miss you'  _ and  _ 'can't wait to see you again'  _ are too… Clingy. 

**nothing much. Just got into a fight with my sister.**

**_S: Oh no_ **

**_About what?_ **

**you. She says dating you would be bad for me, but we both know you'd never hurt me, right?**

**_S: Of course! I would never do anything to ever hurt you, I swear._ **

You sigh. Lup must have been wrong. She doesn't know Sazed like you do. You lay back on your bed and determine to do nothing all day. It is a Saturday after all. And you've got someone else doing your homework, so there's nothing to worry about. 

… 

The next three months go by without a hitch. You still have your pod of lackeys, or whatever Lup is calling them, and you have your boyfriend. Your sweet, wonderful, charming boyfriend, Sazed. He's always by your side, and if not by your side, on the phone with you. It makes it kind of difficult to hang out with others, but you need to be focusing on finals so you can graduate and get into college. Sure, it's a little late for applications for the fall semester, but Sazed says it's better that way, whatever that means. Better late than never, you figure.

Something bothers you, though. You aren't sure why, but as time goes on, you feel worse about yourself and only Sazed can get you out of that funk. He makes you feel like you're the only boy in the world, like you're the only one deserving of his attention and affection. Your siblings are worried about you, but you shove them away because only Sazed can help. 

You begin to be dependent on him. So much so that you agree to move into the dorms with him when he begins college next semester so you don't have to be apart. Your dads ask if you're sure about this, and you hesitate, but say yes anyway because you love Sazed and would do anything for him.

… 

Graduation arrives and you're excited about finally leaving high school behind. Finally, you'll be an adult! Sazed can't stop talking about when you'll be living together and how good it's going to be and you echo those same sentiments. You've already started packing. 

Your phone buzzes. 

**_S: You excited about tonight, babe?_ **

**natch! Can't wait to leave this school**

**_S: And what about after the ceremony?_ ** 😏

**what do you mean?**

**_S: You said we could… you know…_ ** 😏 **🍑🍆**

**_"After graduation," you said._ **

Your heart speeds up. You forgot you'd said that back in February, on your first date.

**oh right. Yes I am**

You aren't actually all that sure you're ready, but you made a promise, and you don't want to let your boyfriend down. 

**see you at the school tonight, babe**

You get ready for graduation, and what comes after, and decide to look your absolute best. If this is the last time you're gonna see most of these people, it has to be memorable. 

… 

Your exit from high school is the last thing on your mind right now. 

You focus only on the sensation of Sazed's mouth on your folds and his fingers inside of you, making you squirm with each stroke of his tongue. Your orgasm approaches suddenly, and you whimper as Sazed pulls away at the last second. 

"Babe! I was so close," you whine as he comes up to kiss you. 

"I know, but it's much more fun this way." He drags a finger between your still spread legs. "Shit, Taako! You're still so soaking wet, baby, even after all that," he teases, grinning slyly at you. "Looks like we're going to have to do something about that." 

Your boyfriend pulls back, lines himself up, and pushes into you, and you gasp. You've always wondered what being fucked felt like, and now you are feeling it in real time. He thrusts slowly a few times, pulling a moan from your lips and he looks proud. 

"God, kitten, it's like you were made for my cock," he breathes out. "So tight. So warm. I wonder if anyone else has had you like this." 

You shake your head. "N-no. Only you, baAAAabeohfuck!" you admit, with Sazed speeding up as you do so. 

"Good. And I'm to be the only one, got it? Don't want everyone in town thinking my boyfriend is a slut now, do we?" You shake your head no again at the second question. 

He leans down to kiss you and the feeling of belonging, belonging to him, mounts as he fucks into you harder and harder. You lose yourself in the sensations, moaning and whining as the pleasure builds, and, suddenly, your climax hits. A cry leaves your lips as your orgasm washes over you. Your boyfriend is still working his cock inside of you.

“That’s it, baby. Just hold on a little more for me,” he says.

You start to get overstimulated and it’s uncomfortable.

“Saz, pull out! It’s too much!” you cry out.

“Not yet, love. Don’t you want me to feel good, too?” He keeps going, his thrusts speeding up as he gets close, a frantic “IloveyouIloveyouIloveyou” spilling from his lips. Your heart flutters as you hear those words. It’s the first time you’ve heard them from anyone outside your immediate family, and you feel like you love him, too. No less than a minute later, he presses his hips flush with yours and holds that position, groaning as he comes. 

He finally pulls out and pulls you close, kissing the top of your head as he falls asleep on the cheap motel mattress. You lie there, awake still, and stare at the ceiling. 

_ ‘We just did that! We just had sex and he said he loves me!’  _ you think.  _ ‘I’ve always heard it would be painful, but it felt really good. We just did that. God! I need to tell Lup!’ _

You grab your phone and text your sister, who doesn’t respond. She’s probably out partying with her own group of friends. It’s okay. She’s allowed to do that. You’ll catch her up later.

Turning your head, you see Sazed, fast asleep, and mentally curse the fact that he drove you here. You just want to go home. Have some cake. Watch TV. But first, you have to have a ride.

You text your brother, Magnus, who’s staying at home this weekend instead of going back to the dorms right after graduation, and ask him to pick you up. Fifteen minutes later, you see headlights flash by the window through the curtains. You kiss the top of your boyfriend’s head and walk out the door. 

“Hey, little bro! Have a  _ good time  _ there?” your brother says, waggling his eyebrows as you climb into his truck. You punch him in the arm. You’re blushing. “Ooooo! You did!”

“Shut up, Maggie!” You look down at your bag.  _ ‘Oh! Right! I have to let him know I left!’ _

Magnus starts talking about how the last couple semesters at Kepler Community College went, but you aren’t paying attention.You’re busy sending a text to Sazed.

**hey, babe. Sorry for leaving so soon. I just can’t fall asleep in those beds. Please don’t be upset. I love you.**

Magnus pulls into your driveway soon after you hit send and you go upstairs to change into pajamas before flopping onto the couch to watch TV with your brother. You fall asleep on the couch in the middle of an episode of Lost and forget to put your phone on its charger. 

The battery dies overnight, so when you wake up, you plug it in and it turns back on.

You received a text, timestamped at 2:46am.

**_S: That’s okay, love. Just don’t do it again._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I literally have never written a sex scene before, but read tons of them so I hope it's not too cringe, and I know it's a toxic relationship, but that's on purpose. 
> 
> Don't worry. It gets better. After a while.
> 
> And, hay. It's for horses! 
> 
> <3 ya!


	3. summer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: blood, pain, period and miscarriage depictions.
> 
> Disclaimer: Taako has only socially transitioned, and still menstruates, but is clueless about his own body and how things work down there.

It's summer, and you're almost ready to move in with Sazed. He's actually found you an apartment just off campus instead of a school-provided dorm, but that's fine, because all you really need is a room to sleep in and a kitchen to cook in. 

As the days go on, you feel weirder and weirder, and you can't figure out why. So you go about your days as you normally would, but something in you just isn't right. 

Then one morning you wake up in pain. You've forgotten what that pain feels like because you haven't had your period in a while, but the cramps are unmistakable. You go to the kitchen to get a glass of water and fetch some pain meds, and it's like every menstrual cycle you've ever had comes as a single muscle spasm, over and over until the medicine does its job. You decide to just put a pad in your underwear and take a nap. 

An hour and a half later, you wake and feel slightly better. But you have to pee, so you go to the bathroom. And you notice that you have in fact started to bleed. 

"Oh, thank god," you whisper. It began to worry you about a week ago, but your period is here now and it's all going to be fine. "Body's probably not used to sex yet," you reason with yourself. You've heard of people who don't get their period for a couple months after they have sex because they're not used to it, so you figure you're one of those people. 

You go back to just chilling out with your sisters, catching up on your favorite TV show, and forget about it. 

Until you can't. 

The pain medication wears off, and you are determined to ask Merle for stronger stuff, since he's a doctor. But he's at work right now, so it'll have to wait until he gets home. 

You go to change your pad and there's so much blood. You aren't sure if you've ever had a period this bad, but it's not uncommon to bleed this much. It's just the pain level that's unusual. 

_'Whatever,'_ you think. _'It's just because I haven't bled since, like…'_

"Oh fuck," you realize out loud. "FUCK!" 

Your phone chimes, and it's Lup, asking if you're okay because she heard you yell from across the house. You tell her no, which is hard because you've always prided yourself on not needing help or seeming weak. But, apparently, strength is knowing when to call for help, so you ask for her help. 

Suddenly there's a knock on the door. 

"Taako?" 

'Great. She got Lucretia, too,' you think. 'I just wanted Lulu.' 

"Taako? Are you okay in there?" your older sister asks from the other side of the door. 

"Yeah, Creesh! Just peachy!" you say sarcastically, voice wavering with the effort of holding back a breakdown. 

"'Kay, Koko, I'm here." Lup' s voice comes from the hallway, and you feel sort of relieved. You finish up in the bathroom and collect yourself before swinging the door open. 

"What do you know about periods?" you ask very seriously. 

Your sisters look at you and just shrug. 

"I can't get em. Got the wrong stuff, remember?" Lup says right as Lucretia says "Never had one."

"Lovely!" you say exasperatedly. "I think I need a doctor, then."

They both scramble to get out of your way and get ready to leave.

…

"Hi! I need to see a doctor, please!" you say in your most polite voice to the front desk lady. The ER isn't exactly what you imagined when you said "I need a doctor," but it'll do. 

"What's your reason for the visit?" she says very coldly. 

"I, uh, I think I'm pregnant, or was pregnant. I'm not sure. But I'm bleeding and it's not fun," you lean in and whisper. 

Her eyes widen, but she hands you a clipboard with a calm expression and tells you to fill it out and hand it back in to her. There's no one else in the emergency room besides you and your sisters, your moral support, so you should be seen in no time. 

You fill out the paperwork quickly and turn it in, and your name is called out very soon after. Your sisters give you thumbs up as you look back before walking away with the nurse. 

The table you're sitting on feels wrong. Like it's supposed to be comfortable but it's not. You can hardly focus on answering the nurse's questions because another cramp hits you and you wince, doubling over in pain. 

"Doctor. Please." You look up at her with frantic eyes and she leaves. 

You resist the urge to scream. It hurts so much. You haven't had a period in months, so you've forgotten the agony of cramps, and it's literal Hell for you. 

A knock at the door and a familiar doctor comes in holding a laptop. 

"Hello, Taako. Good to see that you're not here for another broken arm," she says. 

"Doc McDonald, please. I need help." More pain shoots through you. 

"I can see you're in pain, and your reason for being here was a suspicion of being pregnant or having been pregnant, am I correct?" she asks. You nod. "Okay, so I need to know the date of your last period." 

You pull up the period tracking app on your phone and look at the date. 

"May fifth."

"And the last time you had sex?" 

"We did it after graduation, like, that night, so May twenty-sixth." 

"Okay. So it's been a while. Can you describe what's going on?" She readies her hands above her laptop keyboard. 

You tell her how you've been feeling the last couple months and she takes notes. Then you tell her how you felt earlier today and she looks up at you. 

"We might need to move to another room better suited for this stuff," she says, and you worry. 

"Uh, okay, let's go, Doc." 

… 

You meet your sisters back in the waiting room with a timid smile, a little grim and tired, but a smile nonetheless. They come up to you, curiosity and concern written on their faces, and you just walk to Lup and hug her. 

"What happened, Ko?" 

You just hold her tighter as Lucretia gets the rundown from the doctor. 

"I'm sorry. Did you just fucking say 'miscarriage'? What the fuck happened to my brother?" Lup asks. You don't look her in the eye. You can't look her in the eye. She'll see too much. "Taako? What did you do?" 

She holds you by the shoulders and you have no choice but to look her in the eye. 

"I… we… Sa-" 

"Hold on. You had sex, with your boyfriend, and got pregnant," she says slowly. 

"I-it was just one time! I didn't know!" you say, deflating more and more under her gaze. "I didn't know." 

She pulls you into a hug again, and you can just feel the sadness radiating from her.

"You know you're gonna have to tell The Dads, right? Your boyfriend, maybe, but Merle and Dav definitely need to know. Okay?" 

You nod into her chest. 

"I'm scared, Lu," you whisper. Suddenly, Lucretia is on the other side of you, hugging you and Lup. You wipe away tears - when did you start crying?- as soon as your sisters let go of you. 

"Let's get out of here. Seems like you could use a rest," Lucretia says. You nod and grab Lup's hand, more for reassurance than guidance, but you don't let it show. 

… 

Davenport, your other dad, is on the couch when the three of you get home, and you awkwardly sit a couple feet away from him on the couch. He notices the shift in weight and turns to face you. 

"Hey, kiddo. What's wrong?" he signs. 

"Dad, I fucked up," you sign back after a moment. He cocks his head. You struggle to find the words you need to say, since you don't know the sign for 'miscarry,' and you don't want to explicitly say that you slept with Sazed, because only your siblings know that, but you finally figure out how to tell your dad what happened. 

"I lost the baby," you sign, hoping he gets the hint, and it takes him a second, then recognition shows on his face. 

"Oh. I'm sorry, Taako." He moves to put an arm around you, and it's somehow the most comfort you've gotten from another person all day. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me, a nonbinary AFAB person: *describing the plot of this story to my friends to illustrate how my Google search results may lead to my internet service provider thinking I've lost a pregnancy*  
> My friend: "Bean, I love you, but is this a cry for help?"  
> Me: "No. Just a look into a canonically abusive partnership in a different light." 
> 
> And, no, I don't mean to romanticize abuse or pregnancy struggles. I've had this planned out for some time and am just now getting to it. 
> 
> Growing up in a small community, I had very little sex education outside of Abstinence Only and "you girls bleed every month" and one would think that small southeastern towns would have the same kind of sex ed. 
> 
> Comments and kudos make my day, y'all! 
> 
> And hey, it's a world out there.


	4. college, semester one

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: dysphoria, gaslighting, manipulation, jealousy, physical and emotional abuse, offensive language towards Taako, mild sexual content
> 
> (I hope I got 'em all. I said this was gonna be hard, but that it gets better. It's not "better" yet)

It’s autumn and you’ve been living with Sazed in a small two-bedroom apartment for a little less than a month. School started a couple weeks ago, and so far, it’s been great. You and Sazed have slightly different class times, so you don’t see each other much during the day, but you get home before him most of the time and he greets you fondly when he walks in the door. 

You feel you've made a mistake one day, though, when he comes in the door and hugs you from behind, his hands going up to your chest. Finding it flat, he squeezes it, making you gasp. 

"Why would you want to hide these away?" he whispers into your ear. You shiver. 

"Just feeling a bit dysphoric today. Thought binding would help, is all," you answer. You try to focus on the pasta you're stirring, but he continues to squeeze and knead at your chest, making you moan involuntarily. "Sazed! Cut it out!" 

"Mmm, but you feel so good, baby. And you've made me sad by hiding your breasts." You cringe at the word. "So I get to do this," he says, slipping a hand under your shirt, "To make me feel better."

You consider shoving him away, but he seems like he'd be more upset if you did. So you let his hands and lips roam across your body. 

"Babe, the pasta's almost ready," you warn.

He sucks a hickey onto your neck. "I don't want pasta, Ko." His hand gets close to the waistband of your pants. "I just want you."

That's it. 

You let go of the spoon stirring the pasta and grab his hands, pulling them from your body. You turn around and try to shove him away so you can finish up your dinner prep, but he grabs you and kisses you before you can get very far with that plan. It's rough and possessive and you feel yourself slipping away from reality as it goes on. His arms tighten around you, holding you in place, as he backs you up closer to the stove, hob still on for pasta reasons. You put your hands out to steady yourself and your arm makes contact with the burning hot metal of the pasta pot. 

"OW! Fuck!" you shout, breaking the kiss and shoving your boyfriend away. You inspect your forearm and, sure enough, there's a long, thick red line forming. You rush to the sink, upset at Sazed for interrupting your cooking, and upset at yourself for letting it happen, and rinse your arm with lukewarm water. 

"Look what you did!" you shout, arm still under the running water. 

"What I did? You did that yourself!" Sazed shouts back. 

"Yes! If you'd just left me alone to finish up our dinner, this wouldn't have happened!" 

The timer for the pasta goes off. You stop the water, turn the burner off, and take the pot from the stove, carefully draining the boiling water. 

"You shouldn't have made pasta. I already said I don't want pasta," Sazed says, scarily calm now. 

"You said that after you found out I was making it! You’re just being stubborn!” You continue to rinse your arm, because you really don’t want it to become a scar, and he gets two bowls from the cupboard, setting them on the counter. “I thought you said you didn’t want any.”

“Well, you already made it and I’m not about to waste food,” he says as he scoops farfalle into his bowl. You can’t argue with that, so you don’t. You shut the water off and fetch the first aid kit Merle made you bring. You wrap your arm with gauze and make up a bowl of bowtie pasta, adding your homemade Alfredo sauce to it, and you sit at the cheap card table the two of you use as a dinner table.

Dinner is passed in silence and you decide to take a shower and go to bed right afterwards. Apparently, Sazed has the same idea, so he joins you in the bathroom, to save on water, so he says.

“Sorry for upsetting you in the kitchen,” he says in the shower, hugging you from behind. “I was just so surprised you chose to hide your breasts away from the world.” His hands find your chest again, soapy hands toying with your nipples. “I just love these.” He kisses your neck, not caring that you’re both wet and covered in suds. “From now on, you’re not allowed to wear that… thing… unless I give you permission,” he says into your ear, sending chills down your spine. “Got it?”

“But-”

“Taako, I asked you a question. Do you understand?”

“I understand,” you confirm, kind of bummed out. You need that binder to feel like yourself, and he just took it away from you. “I’ll ask you first, babe,” you say.

“Thank you, kitten,” he says as he goes to wash the rest of your body. “Such a good boy for me.”

Arousal pools between your legs and you know what he’s getting at. You finish your shared shower and head to the bedroom, where your intended rest turns into a bout of impassioned sex.

You’re still salty about the binder issue in the morning.

…

It’s been a while since you’ve seen your brother, but you still talk from time to time. You video chat with your dads and Lup almost every day, the latter of whom is at school two hundred miles away at Marshall University, and text Lucretia every so often. So it’s not uncommon to have contact with one family member or another on any given day.

Today, though, Magnus has asked if you can hang out between classes, and you accept that invitation without hesitation, because who wouldn’t want to see their brother?

You meet him at the Starbucks knockoff cafe on campus and you get coffee before heading to the library to catch up with each other.

He tells you about his volunteer work at the local dog shelter, and his carpentry class projects, and, most excitedly, his girlfriend, Julia. He goes on and on about how wonderful and strong and beautiful she is, stars in his eyes the whole time.

“That’s awesome, my dude! Can’t wait to meet her!” you say, genuinely glad your brother has someone to spend his time with.

“What about you, Ko? You still with that one guy?” he asks.

“Yup! We’re living together, even!”

“And… you’re all good, right?”

“Uh, yeah. Why do you ask?”

“I just noticed the mark on your arm. You didn’t have it last time I saw you, and I was wondering if everything’s okay.” Magnus looks concerned.

“Oh. That,” you say, face falling a little. “Burned myself on a pasta pot a few weeks ago. Don’t worry about it,” you explain.

“Taako, if Sazed’s hurting you, you let me know and we’ll see what we can do about it.”

“We?”

“Me and Jules. She cares about you guys even though she hasn’t met you yet.” He reaches forward and grabs your hands in his. “Just, promise me you’ll tell me if he tries anything. Okay?” 

_‘God. What a sap,’_ you think.

“Of course,” you promise. You take a sip of your frappuccino, sucking up air as you consume the last of it. You stand, ready to head home and start on dinner, only noting how late it actually is when the sun is threatening to set as you step outside.

You hurry home and are met with an upset boyfriend sitting at the table. Your smile and excitement about hanging out with your brother fades when you see his expression.

“Saz, what’s wrong?”

He rises and walks towards you.

“You tell me, slut,” he says, popping the “t” in the last word with purpose.

“I don’t know,” you say, very confused. Sazed steps closer, almost threatening. 

"Oh, really? Maybe this will jog your memory." Before you know it, your cheek is stinging with the aftershock of a slap across the face. 

"WHAT THE FUCK?!" you exclaim, a hand coming up to touch your face. "I don't know what you're talking about! Really!" 

"Then who was that guy you were with?" he asks. 

"What guy?" The only guys you've been around lately are your boyfriend and your brother. 

"The tall one! Athletic build, handsome face, red flannel..."

It takes you a second to realize that he's describing your brother. 

"Oh. That's Magnus. He's my-" Another slap to the face interrupts your sentence. 

"He's your what? Sugar daddy? Guy on the side? Pimp?" He keeps his hand raised, ready to strike. 

"What? No! He's my brother!" You put your hands up to protect your face. He grabs one of your wrists and wrenches it out of that position. 

"Liar!" He tightens his grip on your wrist. 

"Nonononono! I can show you! I have proof!" You start rooting around in your backpack the best you can with one hand until you find your phone. "I have pictures!" 

You open your phone and pull up Facebook, typing 'Merle Highchurch-Davenport' into the search bar. Up pops your dad's page, which hasn't been used in a while since he keeps forgetting how the internet works, and the last post on his wall is a family photo from about four years ago. You hold it up to your boyfriend, who is now towering over you. 

"Look! See! That's my family! We're all adopted so he doesn't even look like me," you say, hoping he'll let you off this time. It _is_ the truth, after all. 

His hand squeezes your wrist even tighter. 

"Please, babe! You have to believe me!" you plead. 

"Why should I believe a lying slut like you?" Your wrist starts to ache from how tight he's gripping it. 

"Just trust me, Sazed!" You feel tears prick at your eyes. He starts to twist your arm. "Ow! You're hurting me!" 

At this, his eyes go wide. He lets go of your arm and steps back. You clutch it to your chest, rubbing where it hurts, trying to make the pain go away. You're pretty sure there's going to be bruising in the morning. 

"Oh my god, Taako, I'm so sorry," Sazed whispers when he realizes what he's done. "I didn't mean for that to happen." He steps toward you and reaches out carefully. You flinch. He takes notice and looks deflated. "Can I hold you? Please, baby?" 

You stare at him weakly, pain in your eyes. 

"I messed up. I know I did. I never meant to hurt you. I just love you so much! Please forgive me," he begs. 

You've never seen him beg before, so you feel like he's being sincere, since he hurt you like this, which he's never done before either. 

You nod your head slowly. 

"Oh thank fuck," he breathes, rushing in to hold you in his arms. 

You relax into his embrace, and, eventually, into the bed as he makes love to you, slow and sweet, forgetting all about the day's hurt and harshness. 

You can feel yourself becoming more and more attached to him with every day, every conversation, every interaction, and, pretty soon, you're not going to be able to make it a day without him. But right now, you just feel like you love him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you got through all that, kudos to YOU. It's hard stuff to write, and hard stuff to read, but thanks for sticking with me.
> 
> Comments and kudos water my crops and pay the Piper. I'm not sure why my dog needs to be paid, but she does. I don't get it either. 
> 
> And, hey! You're doing great, sweetie!


	5. second semester, part one

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Sex, aggression, angry sex

Your second semester of college, you’ve signed up for a cooking class. You’ll be able to hone your cooking skills past Mr Rick’s home ec class and a couple simple recipes. Sure, you’ve experimented with a couple things, but Sazed was never a fan of them, so you don’t make them past the once. 

This semester, though, Sazed has an idea. You could make a cooking blog, or a foodie Instagram account with local restaurants, and get followers and popularity like you've always craved. You think it's a good idea, so you start up a new Instagram account. 

'Sizzle It Up!' the bio reads, and you take pictures of campus food, local restaurants, and your homemade meals so everyone can enjoy it. Sazed helps you find good places and takes pictures and is basically your right hand man as well as your boyfriend, and you love it. He manages your account once it gets too big for you to handle alongside your school work. 

Suddenly, Sazed starts to get a little weird. Like, he asks who you're talking to and to see your text messages. And you let him, because if you don't, he gets upset and you don't want him to be like that. It's all tame stuff, like joking with your siblings or asking classmates for homework help. Nothing to be suspicious about, but your boyfriend is suspicious about most of it. 

Halfway through the semester, you notice that you're wearing long sleeves more than usual, even as it gets warmer. . It’s not on accident, though. 

Sazed’s temper has been easier to trigger, lately. He’ll come home seeming just fine and then you will do something or say something and he’s angry in a snap. You do everything you can to assuage his anger, but some days, it’s not enough. 

Some days, you wake up with bruises on your body and aching legs, a sign that his bad mood carried on into the bedroom. Some days he won’t speak to you until you’ve apologized. It doesn’t matter what for. Sazed only cares about the act of apology. And some days, your boyfriend will yell at you, calling you names, such as ‘slut,’ ‘whore,’ and ‘useless bitch,’ but you deserve it because you set him off.

Like today.

“You fucking whore! Why do you have another guy’s number in your phone?” Sazed shouts.

“What guy?” you ask, shrinking against the wall as he stands over you. You genuinely do not know why he is upset.

“This ‘Brian’ has been texting you-”

“For help with the homework for English class!” you interrupt. “He needed help with the essay we were writing for class and I offered to help! That’s all!” You look at him, pleading for him to believe you, but he just slams a fist into the wall and you flinch.

“Oh yeah? What makes you think I’ll believe you?” he growls.

You do the only thing you can think of. You surge up and kiss him, hoping his anger will devolve into passion and you’ll just have some killer sex in a few minutes, which, surprisingly works. He pushes himself onto you and you can feel he’s half-hard already.

“Because I love you, and only you,” you say, breathless as his lips move to your neck. “Babe, let’s go to the bedroom.” You’re starting to feel it now, too. He sucks a mark into your neck and you moan involuntarily. “Please.”

Sazed picks you up and carries you to your room, dropping you on the bed. He undresses the both of you with reckless abandon, shoving his cock into you with little fanfare.

“Fuck, Saz! Warn a guy first! Or at least prep them!” you cry out, wincing at the sudden intrusion.

“Little liar sluts don’t get to be prepped,” he growls, thrusting in and out roughly, bending down to nip at your body. You yelp when his teeth clamp down on sensitive skin and stay longer than is comfortable.

“Saz-AH! Fucking hell, babe! That hurts!”

“That’s what you get when you don’t tell the truth.” He continues and you adjust to his size, finally, with a groan. “And lying whores don’t deserve to speak, so shut up!” Your boyfriend shoves his fingers in your mouth and you suck obediently, moaning around them. “That’s it. Does my slutty little kitten need to be filled at both ends?” You moan, ashamed at how that makes you feel. How wet you are, despite the circumstances. "Too bad," he says as he removes his fingers, placing them, instead, around your throat. 

He squeezes and it's so intense you feel like you could cum just from this, and you start to feel lightheaded. You convulse as your orgasm rips through you very suddenly. 

"That's it, love," you hear Sazed say through a tunnel. "That's it. Easy. Go nice and easy." His voice, all of a sudden soothing, distracts you from his fingers squeezing tighter, and you black out. 

… 

You wake up in the morning and your body hurts. 

_'What the hell?'_ you think. Then you remember the fantastic, kinky sex you had last night with your boyfriend. _'Fuck class. I need a breather.'_

So you message your teachers with some excuse that you got sick or a parent died or something else at least semi-believable, and you don't go to school. You pick yourself up off the bed, relishing in the pain, and head to the bathroom. You look in the mirror and you see the bruises from last night, going over each one with light touches. 

_'Damn, there's more than I thought there was,'_ you think. Your hand brushes up to your neck, to the smattering of marks that lay there, and you close your eyes and try to remember how each one was made. You're not sure about some of them, but you remember talking with Sazed about being marked during sex and, apparently, he delivered. 

You find your phone and take a selfie, sending it to a couple friends as your Snapchat streak for the day with the caption "When he loves you so much he has to mark you #kinky #lovethis"

You go on with your day, cooking and cleaning as much as you can, working on homework, and just generally going through your day as if it was a weekend. You get a video call from your dads, who are both home during the day today for some odd reason, and rush to wrap a scarf around your neck to hide the marks there. 

"HI, dads!" you say in sign language, glad to see them. "How are you?" 

"Stressed," Merle signs as his face falls. "Work has been hard lately. A lot of late nights and on call days. How has school been going?" 

"It's good! I've been learning how to cook more and how to experiment with food and I love it. I think I want to be a chef when I'm done with school," you sign. You get to explaining a lot of what you've been doing this semester and it excites you, so you bring that emotion into your words. 

Your hands just fly as you tell them about your friends, your classes, and your social media popularity, and they seem impressed. They make comments on your choice of clothing, long sleeves and scarves aren't really in season, but you don't want to tell them the truth, so you lie and say that your apartment is freezing all the time. They seem to buy it. Until you get a little too emphatic and your sleeve rides up and exposes an old bruise. 

"Taako, what's that?" Davenport asks, pointing to your arm. You look at it, noticing that the sleeve has exposed what it was supposed to cover and you pull it down. 

"Nothing," you reply, and you switch topics to Davenport's job at Darrrylll's Bait & Crossfit. Then you talk about other things until Sazed comes home, the noise of the door shutting surprising you so much you jolt at the sudden noise. 

"Taako, I'm home!" your boyfriend calls out. 

"I'm in here," you call out the door of the second room, the office, and he comes in to join you. "I've got my dads on a call right now if you want to say hi."

He sheepishly sits in his chair and rolls over next to you. "Hi, Taako's dads," he says, waving awkwardly. He's only met them a couple times, so you know he's a bit uncomfortable. 

Merle asks some questions for Sazed to answer, and he's visibly nervous answering them, so you hold his hand to comfort him and keep him grounded. You translate the answers so Dav can understand better, since reading lips isn't his strong suit, but he's getting better at it because of his job. 

You end the call once you feel hungry, remembering that you haven't eaten in a while, and you go to the kitchen to make dinner. You walk in and find a vase of flowers on the table. Your favorites. 

"Babe, what is this?" 

Sazed comes up and hugs you from behind, resting his head on top of yours. 

"They're flowers. For you," he answers. 

"But why?" you ask. 

"Because… Once I calmed down last night, I came to the realization that you were telling the truth and that I really messed up," he elaborates. "I went too far last night and I shouldn't have. I'm sorry. It won't happen again. Any of that. I love you, Taako." He lets go of you and heads to the refrigerator to take a look at what you already have, which gives you time to process his apology. 

"I forgive you. Now let's get dinner started. Wanna help me cook, babe?" You come up beside him and reach into the fridge to pull out a container of leftovers. "Let's see if we can turn this into something new!" you say, wheels already turning in your head. 

The two of you make dinner together, talking and laughing as if nothing ever happened, and later settle in for bed like nothing is wrong. But deep inside, you feel like things are getting worse. 


	6. second semester, part two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: vomit mentions, depictions of abuse, falling, broken bone(s), an overall sadness, finally getting help.

A week later, you get an email saying your cooking class is hosting a bake sale, and you have to make something to sell. You ask Sazed what you should bring, and he thinks your frosted sugar cookies are the best of your baked goods experiments, so you gather all the ingredients and let the class know. 

Over the next two weeks, you make about a million cookies trying to perfect the recipe. You want to make sure you're selling the best cookies you can, so both you and Sazed taste test every batch, including the frosting. It's enough to make you feel sick, but you've already been feeling sick a lot lately, so it's hard to differentiate between cookie sickness and regular sickness. 

You find yourself repulsed by foods you have always loved, and it's making you nervous. You have always had good taste in, well, food, and it is changing very suddenly, which is weird, but you brush it off as part of your PMS mood swings. 

The day before the bake sale, Sazed asks if he can help you with the cookies, and you say yes, since you're at the end of your rope after two straight weeks of baking. You make the cookies and let him help frost the cookies. You don't really need help with making the frosting, but he insists, so he takes that over as well. 

"You should taste this before it goes on the cookies," Sazed says, holding out a spatula of frosting. You look at it and gag. 

"I think we're good," you reply. "I've had so much of that in the last couple weeks that even the idea of it makes me wanna puke." And then you really do feel like puking. "Actually, I gotta go," you say, rushing out of the kitchen. 

A few minutes later, you return and begin to help Sazed frost the cookies like nothing was ever wrong. He looks a little concerned, but you assure him it's fine. You're fine. 

… 

The bake sale goes splendidly! You sell almost four dozen of your cookies and you're proud of that. They’re the best selling dessert at the bake sale, which earns the department a bit more money so you all can continue making the food you love in class. 

You ride high on your achievement for a good twenty-four hours until you open up your school email to find a particularly worrying one from the school. It looks like it was sent to everyone at the school, and it looks important, so you open it. 

Skimming through the email, you find that forty students at the school got sick all around the same time. Seven have died, and more don't look like they're going to make it. 

Panic rises in your chest. 

_ 'I just sold forty or so of my homemade cookies at the bake sale yesterday!'  _ you think.  _ 'I did this.'  _

The urge to lie right down and die is overpowered only by the sudden need to rid your stomach of its contents. You rush to the bathroom and it all comes back up. The fear of failure. The shock of the distressing news. The cafeteria spaghetti you had for lunch. You leave the bathroom feeling worse than before, so you head to the bedroom to lay down and cry.

Sazed comes home a little while later, calling for you to come out and explain what happened at the bake sale. He sounds angry. You’re reluctant to get out of bed, but you guess you have to since you have to make dinner as well.

Oh no.

If all those people got sick because of your cooking, can you even trust anything else you make to not hurt any more people?

You roll out from under the covers and pad slowly into the living room, where your boyfriend is waiting, a frightening look on his face.

“Uh, hi, babe,” you say, intimidated by his demeanor. “What’s up?”

“What’s up? Taako, there are people dead because of your cookies,” he responds. “Forty people got sick yesterday. You sold forty cookies yesterday. Does that sound like a coincidence to you?” 

“N-no. But I made sure everything was okay before we left!” you say defensively. He doesn’t look like he buys it. “I have no idea how anyone could have gotten sick! Or died! I didn’t-” 

Then a horrible realization dawns on you. You picked the berries for the frosting flavoring yourself. Elderberry frosting is a favorite of yours, so that’s the frosting you made for those cookies. You boiled them down into a syrup before adding it into the frosting. At least, you thought they were elderberries. They do look similar to some poisonous berries that also grow nearby.

“Oh fuck,” you whisper, horror on your face. “Nightshade.”

Sazed looks at you intently.

“I must have accidentally picked nightshade for the frosting,” you say. “Oh god. My frosting had nightshade instead of elderberries! FUCK!”

You are in full panic mode now.

“Saz, what are we gonna do about this?” you ask. “If the school finds out it was me, I’ll be kicked out! And arrested! And it would be a whole big mess and everyone’s gonna be mad at me and I don’t know what to do!”

Suddenly, you find you are looking up at your boyfriend from the floor, hands around your knees as you rock back and forth in panic. He steps over to you, face softening as he does. He crouches down so that he’s eye level with you and brushes stray hairs from your face.

“Shshshshsh, kitten. I’m sure they won’t connect the dots, and if they do, it’ll be written off as a mistake. It’s gonna be okay, Koko." His tone is very reassuring and you feel a little better. He kisses the top of your head. "You look like you haven't eaten all day, and like you don't want to cook, so I'll order a pizza. That okay?" 

You nod. 

Half an hour later, there's a pizza at your door. It smells good, really good, and that compels you to eat it even though it's a kind you aren't really a fan of. You devour several slices like a man left in the desert without water finding a fresh spring for the first time. 

"Never took you for a barbecue pizza kind of guy," Sazed says between bites. 

You shrug. "Guess my tastes have changed," you reply, going back to your pizza. He doesn't say another word. 

… 

Sazed's temper has died down a bit since he brought you flowers a month and a half ago, but he has lapses in judgment every once in a while and you struggle to find more excuses to wear sleeves as it gets warmer and the humidity gets worse. 

He gets more controlling as well, limiting who you hang out with and when, like he's jealous you're studying with friends instead of with him, or like he's afraid you'll leave him if left alone with someone else too long. 

He insists on having lunch with you in the student union on the days your classes don't overlap as much, which is nice, but he keeps his guard up the whole time, as if someone is going to swoop down and carry you away if he doesn't constantly watch everything around you two. 

It's during one of these lunches that things start to change. 

You're sitting on the second floor of the cafeteria with Sazed, eating a salad since he's noticed you're starting to put on a little weight, when he gets a phone call that he can't ignore. He picks it up and gets up from the table to walk and talk, and one of your friends comes up and sits in his spot. 

"Hey, Taako! How's it going?" Brian asks. 

You look up from your food in surprise. 

"Oh, uh, hey. I'm good, I guess. How about you? Got any more assignments you need help on?" You genuinely want to know how he is, but his face shows an expression of intrigue. 

"Taako, are you…?" He leans in a little. 

"Oh, god, no no no no no," you say, leaning back out of his space. "I'm literally asking if you need homework help." 

"Oh, okay. Cool. Coulda sworn-" 

"Nope. Nope. Not interested in cheating on my boyfriend one bit," you interrupt. 

"But, I don't think he's all that good for you," Brian says, leaning in to whisper. "I've noticed that your winter wardrobe has extended into the spring, and is teetering close to summer wear as well… Should I be concerned? As a friend."

You squirm a little. You check around for Sazed, whose back is turned, a good ten yards away. 

"It's fine. I love long sleeves. It's kind of a nice pressure on my arms. Relaxing," you say, making one of your hands travel down your other arm, nearly wincing as it presses a fresh bruise. Telling the truth would only serve to make him pity you and you don't like pity. 

Just then, Sazed turns around, apparently finished with his phone call, and starts heading back to your table. 

"Taako? Who's this in my chair?" your boyfriend asks. 

"Oh, uh, Sazed, this is Brian. Brian, Sazed. This is the guy from my English class I told you about," you say, introducing them to each other. You notice his expression changing from concern to something nice. 

"Nice to meet you, Brian!" he says, holding out his hand for a handshake. Your friend shakes it and looks up at Sazed. "May I sit there? It's kind of my spot." 

"Oh, right! I will let you go. See you in class, Taako!" Brian says as he moves out of the chair. He waves as he walks away and you wave back. 

Sazed sits down and it's a sudden shift in moods. 

"What the fuck was that, Taako?" 

"What?" 

"Why the hell did he come over? To seduce you?" he asks, making an accusation that would never ever be true. 

"What? No! Taako doesn't cheat! He just wanted to catch up, and ask if I'd help him with a surprise for his fiance." You're lying, mostly, and you pray he believes it, but the hand slapping onto the table says otherwise. Sazed leans in toward you, eyes hard with rage. 

"I swear to God, Taako, if you even so much as think of leaving me, I will hurt everyone you love," he threatens. Sure, he's made similar threats before, but none have scared you as much as this one. 

You shrink down, staring at your salad. 

"Got it?" 

"Yes, Sazed," you say sheepishly. You can still feel his eyes on you and you shudder involuntarily. 

"Taako, what have I said about binders?" Sazed asks, low and menacing. You shrink even further. 

"To ask you if I can wear one," you answer, not daring to look him in the eye.

"Then why are you wearing one today? Did you ask?" 

"...No… But I was feeling really... bad this morning and I couldn't ask because you were already in class," you explain. "I’m sorry.”

“That’s okay, love. Don’t let it happen again.” He gives you a grim look before going back to his food.

You don’t feel like finishing your salad after that, so you decide to toss it and leave the cafeteria. It’s almost time for your next class anyway. You’re walking down the stairs to put your dishes in the dirty dish area when you find yourself falling down those stairs, backpack and all. 

You land at the bottom with a sickening crunch.

“Oh my god! Taako!” you hear.

“Someone help!” comes another voice.

“What do we do?” someone else says. 

You look up and find your brother staring down at you in concern. Then you feel pain. You try to get up, but Magnus shakes his head and you lie back down.

“Your leg doesn’t look right. Jules went to get help,” he says.

“Where’s Sazed?” you ask. You search the room for any sign of him, but he is gone.

“He ran off to class, Ko,” Magnus says sadly. “I know you’d love for him to be here, but he’s not. We’re going to get you to the hospital, okay?”

“O...kay, but what happened?”

“You fell down the stairs, bud, and I really don’t know how because you’re usually very well balanced. Hell, you always did so well in gymnastics, those few years the studio was open. Remember?”

“‘Flip Wizard,’ my ass!” you laugh, trying to make light of the situation, but you hurt and it stops feeling like a dream. People are crowding around you to take a look at the poor boy who tragically fell down the stairs, beaming pity down at you. You don’t like it. 

Luckily, a girl with long curly hair comes up to Magnus and says “They’re bringing a stretcher and we can wait for the ambulance outside once he’s on it, but they said not to move him until they get here.”

_ ‘This must be the Julia he’s been talking about,’  _ you think.  _ ‘She looks nice.’ _

You’re about to pass out from the pain when the campus medics arrive with the promised stretcher. Everything from there to the hospital bed is a blur, but you know your boyfriend hasn’t come to see you at all in that time.

_ ‘Is he even worried about me?’  _ you wonder.  _ ‘He must be, but he can’t come visit because of class,’  _ you reason with yourself as you lie in the hospital bed.  _ ‘Yeah. That’s it.’  _

“Alrighty here, Tah-... Tay-ay-ko…? Tayko?” The nurse is struggling and you feel sorry for her.

“It’s pronounced ‘Taako,’ like the food,” your brother offers. 

She nods.

“Okay, so, Taako, you had quite the nasty fall there, but it’s just a broken bone . The doctor set the bone and fixed you up with a cast, and you and baby are going to be a-okay. Just be sure to get plenty of rest and keep to a wheelchair for the time being,” she says, reading off some instructions from her clipboard. 

“Wait, did you say ‘baby’?” Magnus asks, and you follow from his eyes to the nurse, wanting to hear the answer for yourself as well. “Is my brother pregnant?!?”

You had forgotten that no one told Magnus about what happened last summer, so his shock is entirely called for.

The nurse nods. “It’s still early on in the pregnancy, but the baby wasn’t harmed at all. Should make it full term with the proper care.”

_ ‘Explains the weight gain and the puking,’ _ you think, finally piecing the puzzle together.

“Shit,” you say, speaking for the first time in a while, tears forming in your eyes.

Magnus turns to you and asks “Did you know about this?” You shake your head. “What have you and your boyfriend been doing, not using protection or anything?” You shrug. You’re not even sure what counts as ‘protection’ for sex, since it wasn’t taught in school at all. “None of this is good, Taako. And, look! You’re covered in bruises! Has he been beating you?” 

You look down at your arms, and sure enough, the hospital gown’s short sleeves give the world a full view of a few weeks of Sazed’s anger manifested on your skin. You look back up at him, unable to form words, and tears of shame start falling down your face. 

“I told you to let me know if anything bad happens, Taako. I’m your brother. I’m always here for you,” Magnus says softly. “That includes this.” He gestures to you, lying there helpless in the bed.

“I deserve it,” you manage to croak out. “I always do things to upset him and I deserve it.”

“No, you don’t, Koko,” he says, petting your disheveled hair. “He hits you because he feels like it. It’s a problem with him, not you. He’s not good for you, bro, and you need to get out of this situation as soon as possible.” 

That makes you cry harder because you remember what Sazed said during lunch.

“I can’t. He said he’ll hurt everyone I love if I even think about leaving him, and I can’t see you guys get hurt because of me,” you sob. “I have to stay.” 

Magnus’s hand comes to a halt on your head. “What? The fuck? Has he been making threats like this to you the whole time?”

“N-no. Just the last few months, I guess,” you answer. “He’s been a little paranoid that I’d leave him or cheat on him, but he loves me, I know it. He just… shows it differently.”

“You need to get out of there, like, now. I love you, and I want to see you safe, Taako, so you need to leave. We’ll come up with a plan, okay?” You nod silently, your tears dampening the hospital gown you’re in. “I’ll text you with details once Julia and I figure things out, and we talk to the rest of the family.”

You nod once more, then shake your head as you remember one more important detail.

“No! He checks my phone,” you warn him. “He got mad at me once when my friend texted me for help with an English assignment and accused me of cheating.”

“Okay, so we’ll use video chat and sign, so he can’t hear any of our plans, and find a way to get you out safely. I promise, Koko.” Your brother’s promise makes you feel safer, but the feeling of dread rushes back in soon enough.

“What about school?” you ask.

“Well, you can’t walk, and most of the school’s buildings aren’t very wheelchair accessible, so I guess it’s all just the online stuff for now. Wait. They have to make accommodations for students in situations like this, don’t they?”

“I guess… Wouldn’t be fair if they didn’t.”

“Then email your professors and see what you can do from home, and rest,” Magnus says, nearly ordering you to do it, but you already know you’ll do it.

It’s what you have to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The beginning of the end of the sadness and pain. Sorry for not updating this one in a while. Took some time off to recharge the ol' brain batteries. Came up with this chapter, which has been planned for nearly a month now, and I'm relieved Taako's living situation is only this bad for a while longer.
> 
> Your kudos and comments are greatly appreciated!
> 
> And, hey! Keep your chin up! 
> 
> <3 ya!


	7. college, year one, end

You once saw your shared apartment as a fairytale castle, with Sazed being your perfect prince, but now you see it for what it really is: a fox’s den, holding you, the innocent little rabbit, hostage, and it’s time for you to run. 

\---

While staying at home, unable to go to class because of your leg, Magnus and Lucretia help you come up with a plan to get you out of there, suggesting solutions ranging from ‘just move back in with me and The Dads’ to ‘we’ll all go on a family trip, then say the cruise ship sunk so he’ll think you’re dead.’ You just had to laugh at that one when Magnus brought it up a few weeks ago. You love him, but sometimes his ideas can get a little out of hand. But he’s trying. That’s what matters most. He’s trying to figure out a way to get you away from your abusive boyfriend, and you appreciate that.

When not plotting your escape, you sit in bed doing homework, only getting up to use the bathroom or to wheel yourself into the kitchen to satisfy the weird cravings you’ve been having more often lately, courtesy of the small human growing inside of you. Sazed begins to notice that you’re eating all sorts of odd things, but you brush it off saying that you want to broaden your horizons so you can be the best chef you can be, careful not to give away your pregnancy secret. He looks at you funny the first time you fumble through the explanation, but appears to not think anything of it when it continues. He seems to have sympathy for your condition, what with the broken leg and all, and his anger outbursts are only accompanied by hurtful words instead of hurtful words _ and _ harmful hands.

One day, during your video call with your siblings, Magnus’s girlfriend shows up in the picture alongside him. It’s not uncommon for her to pop in every once in a while, bringing him a snack or reminding him about homework, but she’s never showed up to offer a suggestion before. You look a little confused, so Magnus explains that the two of them had an idea the other night and are excited to let you in on it.

“Okay, so, you know how I’ve never met your boyfriend?” Julia starts. “And how he apparently threatens to hurt your family if you try to leave him?”

You nod, almost signing a reply until you remember that she doesn’t know ASL. 

“Yeah,” you say out loud, a little disgruntled at the idea of the entire conversation being verbal, but it’s not that bad. “What about it?”

“He’s met the rest of your family, right?”

You nod again.

“So he knows what they look like, and can target them if he sees you with them. But he’s never met me. As far as I’m concerned, I’m just another college student. And he’s certainly never met my dad, who lives in Davis, so if we got you out of there and into my dad’s house, he’ll never be able to find you because he’ll think you’re just hiding out somewhere in Kepler, waiting until you can go out in public again without him. But you won’t be,” she finishes. Magnus just beams at her, no doubt very in love with this brilliant woman, and you can sort of see why.

“That sounds like it could work, but how do we get all my stuff over there? Sazed’s gonna notice if all my things are gone overnight,” you respond. 

Lucretia nods, a look of puzzlement on her face. Then that look changes to realization. 

"We could take stuff little by little until he's gone for a good amount of time, then move you all the way out of there," your sister offers. "Koko, is he gone for hours at a time besides when he's in school?"

You have to think about that. His behavior as of late has been a little off, like he's been verbally angry but not physical, and he does tend to spend weekends out of the apartment, not telling you where he goes. You tell them all this, and worry briefly flashes on Lucretia's face, but then Magnus starts talking. 

"Awesome. Let me know when he leaves on these 'boys weekends' or whatever they are and we'll come by with the truck to pick stuff up," he says. 

"If anyone asks, you need to donate some stuff to the thrift store," Julia adds. 

"Is it Jeanie's Thrift 'N Gift or, like, another thrift store?" Magnus asks, and you laugh. 

"There's, like, three thrift stores in town, and one of em's Salvation Army, so that's a no-go on suggesting that one, bud. But I don't think they'll be asking exactly  _ where _ the boxes of stuff are going," you reply, glad the mood's been lightened a little. All this stress must not be good for the baby. 

Speaking of… 

"Oh, Taako!" Julia calls out suddenly, snapping you out of your thoughts. "What have you decided about the baby?" 

"Wait. What baby? You're pregnant again?" Lucretia inquires, pointedly looking towards where your video square would be on her screen. 

"What do you mean by 'again'?" Magnus asks, shock registering on his face. "Has this happened before? Taako?" 

You feel small. Like a sheep cornered by wolves. You haven’t found time to let the rest of your family know about the baby and you forgot that Magnus didn't know about your miscarriage last summer, so you can't fault them for being surprised about these new revelations. Tears prick at your eyes as you sort through your thoughts, trying to remember what all your brother knows about the last year of your life. 

"Well, um, Mags… Remember when I had you pick me up from that motel after graduation?”

“Uh, yeah, but what does that have to do with anything?”

Your brother’s great, really, but, god, is he dense sometimes. 

“I, uh…” You rub at your neck nervously. “Oh, god. Creesh, can you-”

“He had a miscarriage last summer. Didn’t even know he was pregnant, and Lup and I were the only ones home to help. That’s how that ties in,” your sister interrupts, saving you from the humiliation of telling him yourself. 

Magnus’s face falls. “Oh… Taako, why didn’t you tell me?”

You shrug. “I didn’t think I could tell you.”

“Is that why you didn’t tell me about, you know, the bruises, earlier?”

The weight of your guilt for not trusting your brother makes you shrink down into your bed more than you already have.

“I guess. It was scary, Maggie. I thought Dav would kill me when I told him after I got home from the emergency room, and that’s why I didn’t tell you. I didn’t want you getting mad at me.” You feel utterly ashamed to be admitting this to your brother, whom you love so much. The one who gave you his hand-me-downs because he noticed you weren’t comfortable in the dresses Lucretia outgrew. The one who beat up your bullies when you were younger so they’d leave you alone. And the one who just found out you’ve hidden some very important details of your life from him for almost a year. “I’m sorry.”

“I get it. Really. I do. I’ve been busy with school and everything, but I’m still your brother, and I should have been there. I’m the one who should be sorry. But, anyway, have you decided anything about the baby?”

“I… think I’m gonna keep it,” you say. “Might not  _ keep it,  _ keep it, but at least see this whole ‘pregnancy’ thing through to the end.” You realize that you’ve never fully thought about it until two seconds ago, but it feels right, somehow.

“Okay. So, while you’re at my dad’s, we can make sure you get the proper care and everything you might need,” Julia offers. “I know it’s not the doctors you grew up with and who know your whole situation, but we’ll make sure you’re all set up. Won’t we, love?”

“Sure thing, my dove. Don’t worry, Taaks. You’ll be in good hands,” Magnus says. You’re about to make an insurance company ad joke, but it doesn’t seem right, given the context, so you don’t. “I think it’s time we go start on homework, or my group for this project is gonna kill me.” 

He and Julia wave at the screen. You and Lucretia wave back before you end the call, relaxing into your bed for a nice midday nap. 

For the first time in a while, you feel like things are starting to look up. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Owo! What's this?! An update?! An actual reference to the song this SONGFIC is based on?!?! WOW! Only seven chapters in and there's like two actual references in the whole thing lol.
> 
> If you're just tuning in for the first time, yes, the sitch is going to improve. I'm not heartless or writing Pure Angst. That's for a different fic. Not this one. But this is the point in which they actually get shit done and get the ball rolling. Also, I recently started listening to Shmanners and I love how Travis calls Teresa "my dove" and so, yeah...
> 
> Comments and kudos make my day! Your support means a lot to me.
> 
> And, hey, at least it's always sunny in Philadelphia.
> 
> <3 ya!


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